I sing the Song of Sybil from dry lips and heart,
Weak with my guilt and paralyzed from fear,
My hate and love I cannot sift apart,
And sadness shrouds me, warm, cloudy, and sheer.
I can feel you mirrored in my reflection,
Every stab of pain winces in your face,
Bound on this wheel of tortured projection,
And with every turn our love we efface.
We hold to our hurt, afraid of release,
Of loss; the meaning of a mirror shattered,
A wheel broken, and our love laid to peace.
We lie among the rubble, broken and battered,
Weary with the effort of letting go.
I see you now. Separated we glow.
So you ask for words, Something to provoke and inspire
For images that smoke and burn.
You search for a Muse to light you one fire,
So that you again may rise, transfigured and fresh from the ashes.
You want something beyond the patterns and rhythms we have been lulled asleep to.
You, like I, are in a searching and questioning,
Feeling through the Fog,
Somewhere there is a melody playing
The sweetest sound ears have heard
And we keep moving towards this vibration
Finger tips for eyes
Not another soul for miles
But we follow that sound
Humming as we stagger.
Fairy God Mother. It has been two days since I heard of your passing. I write you these words as my way of saying Goodbye to you. I wish I could be there. It feels wrong to be in Berlin as you are being buried in California. I thought I had more time with you. I remember saying Goodbye with Brownie Breath and Red Wine Lips. It was so beautiful these last moments with you. Our hearts so full the room was bouncing with Love. This is what you have always meant to me. Love. You have given me Love like Family since the moment we met. I was in High school and performing "Shakespeare for my Father". And you loved me. Instantly I loved you and we have loved each other ever since. In many ways it is the Love that we have shared that has taught me the meaning of the word, showed me what is possible in the heart and these lessons have permeated every aspect of my life and now in everyone I love there is a piece of you.
You have left me too soon. There is so much I still wanted to share with you. There are Fairy God Children I wanted to place in your arms and there are creations and performances I wanted you to experience. There are countless hours and timeless moments that my heart still longs for. I suppose Loss is an inevitable part of Love.
Maybe you are now everywhere. Maybe I have not lost a thing. Maybe I have gained the Beauty of your reunion with everything, no longer separated by physical form. I can feel you so close. In the breeze and the sunlight. I hear your laugh and I see your smile and knowing look. It feels silly to be sad when you are all around me, but my body cannot help but respond with tears as if all my Love for you is culminating into this moment and it all cannot fit in this tiny body, so out it pours.
Through your being you have taught me many Lessons. In your Death I feel one as well. I never wish to take Love for granted; never take this short Life for granted. I feel now the sacred and blessed nature of this, our brief lives. I feel the need to live the Love in my Life, to live into it without fear or pride, to live it simply and humbly; to kiss deeper, to allow my walls to drop and live a Life that is full and fearless, I feel blessed that you are able to be this reminder and that now you are everywhere inside and out of me.
Many of my friends have asked how old you were when you passed and I can find no answer. You are ageless and timeless to me. You are of the Faye and live eternally in the flight of their wings. This is not your last lesson for me. This is not the last letter I will write you. This is not Goodbye. This is the Transfiguration of our Love into the radiant light from the Mountain top. Isn't the view lovely.
Sara Fay George